Ever got into it with your significant other—like, a really unpleasant argument—only to end up having the best intimacy session ever afterward? If so, you probably had makeup sex. (A term you’re likely familiar with!) And it can really be the best. 

More specifically, sex and relationships coach Jeni Simas, defines makeup sex as “the carnal rejoining of a couple after a significant argument.” At times, this can mean the sex is angry sex and in itself, resolves the fighting through creating an outlet for high intensity energy, Simas explains. 

Importantly, however, “it can help bring a couple closer together if, along with the makeup sex, comes aftercare,” Simas says. Aftercare will usually include discussion of what caused the argument in the first place, plus how the couple can compromise and move forward together. 

All in all, makeup sex is a great way to foster intimacy and repair riffs in your relationship. That said, there are a few things to keep in mind to ensure you don’t become reliant on it in a healthy way. 

Makeup Sex Can = Avoidance

Here’s what to note: “If one partner knows they can always squash or avoid an argument by doing the wild thing, then the initial disagreement or argument never gets the level-headed discussion or attention it requires,” Simas says. Then, there is no resolution—it’s just an exercise in avoidance. 

It can get so bad that the only time a couple has any kind of intimacy is as makeup sex. “This is really unhealthy and not constructive to being in a truly passionate and supportive relationship,” Simas explains. TLDR: Don’t use this as an avoidance technique! 

Don’t Start Fights To Fix Them

“Make sure you’re not starting fights just to have makeup sex,” Simas says. How do you know if you’re doing that, though? Consider how often you have had makeup sex in the last six months. “Were they this hot, heat-of-the-moment carnal activity you just really loved? Did it bring you closer together emotionally and physically?” asks Simas. Or rather, did it just increase your feelings of anger and resentment from the arguments?

If the arguments are just bringing up more instances of sex rather than genuine closeness and connection, this could be a red flag. Be sure to check in with your feelings and ensure you’re not engaging in arguments just to have makeup sex. 

Get Honest!

Overall: “Be clear and honest with yourself and your partner about whether makeup sex is an avoidance tactic or a way that you find each other and share your hearts after you have resolved an argument with words and care,” Simas says. You following? Be open to speaking with each other about the source of your makeup sex, how it helps or hurts your relationship, and what you can do to make it work for both of you. 

Okay—I think you’re all briefed on expert-back advice for makeup sex. Have fun resolving your next tiff with bae 😉. 

Xo, 

Brittany