Whether you’ve been tracking your ovulation and having sex according to a schedule or you’re doing hormone treatments and IVF, trying to conceive can be stressful. (No matter how excited you are for potential parenthood!) 

Seriously though, sometimes trying to get pregnant can make sex feel like a chore, which is pretty much the opposite of what you want, no? This is especially true if you’re growing impatient with the process (AKA, it’s not “working”) or the possibility of conception is an emotional subject for you in general. 

That said, there are ways to make sure sex in your relationship doesn’t feel like work and instead, you feel excited as ever to do it. The following are a few tips for doing so, according to experts. 

When You’re Doing It, Stay In The Moment

Don’t focus on the goal (getting pregnant) and instead, keep it about the sex itself. This is even more true if you’re having sex in time with your ovulation pattern. During conception time, if it is psyching you both out that it’s a time you “should” be having intercourse, try deemphasizing it instead. You can still keep track of your ovulation window, but don’t tell your partner about it and initiate sex as normal instead, explains Lyndsey Murray, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and owner of Relationship Matters Therapy. 

Continue “Dating” Your Spouse

While this time can feel serious and life-changing—remember that it’s also supposed to be fun! This is an exciting time in both of your lives, and the sex should look like it, too. Use this as an excuse to show off your lovey-dovey and romantic side. “Make time for fun and playful sex outside of the fertility window, too, so sex is not 100 percent focused on conception,” Murray says. You got that down?

Prioritize Communication, Above All

Remember that big changes = big feelings. You’ll likely need to talk to each other about how you’re doing through this entire process, plus how you feel about a potential new baby coming into this world. If you’re doing IVF, it can lead to enlarged ovaries which tend to be uncomfortable during sex. “Communicate with each other to determine if there's any pain or discomfort during. Also talk to your doctor to determine what impact intercourse and ejaculation has during the IVF process to ensure that you aren't risking ovarian torsions or an ectopic pregnancy,” Murray says. 

Okay—hopefully your mind is in a better place now. Implement these tips and hopefully sex during conception stays special for you both 💜.

Xo, 

Brittany