Red Flags?

Have you ever felt obsessive or even an intense craving for someone who seems to “love” you in the moment, but then disappears like a ghost? Do you find yourself making lame excuses for a certain someone who’s never available when you really them? When you’re together you might feel a strong connection, but out of sight out of mind seems to be his MO.

LADIES! Let me just tell you, we have all had one of these guys come into our lives at one point or another, and if you haven’t… YOU WILL. This type of relationship is based on lust, not real love. Real love is deeper and more meaningful. It’s reliable and available. Lust is momentary. Lust is only interested in pleasure, not the real work that’s needed to sustain and nurture a true love. If someone is just saying all the right things and not giving you anything real, GET OUT NOW!

These people only really care about themselves. You’re simply a means to an end. They seduce with a persistent charm is part of the seduction, but they aren’t interested in anything more than just the superficial. These relationships typically end in pain and tears. Don’t waste another minute on lust. It’s a fleeting emotion. As painful as these relationships can be, we all experience them, but hopefully learn from them, too. It’s important to be able to tell the difference between love and lust if you want a long and healthy intimate relationship.  

Lust

We have all been entangled in a clearly toxic relationship, but some things keep drawing us back together. What is that magnetic attraction that you know you should actually repel? It’s lust, plain and simple.

Lust is something that can cause tremendous anxiety. Many of us have only ever been in these toxic relationships. If that’s the case, it can be difficult to break this cycle and find a better partner. In the beginning, the lust-filled relationship feels addictive. We love the attention and suspense of the chase. It’s a game many people like to play and unfortunately, many of us are so willing to participate. Lastly, the idea of a loving relationship keeps you coming back, even though you know in reality it will never work. You have romantic notions your “love” will be like the millions of loves we see portrayed in the movies. But eventually, you realize your drama-filled, lust-hungry relationship is more like a horror flick than a Rom-Com! Once you truly find love… you will know the difference. Real love isn’t wishing someone  would change. If a little voice in your head keeps telling you to stay in a lust-based relationship, STOP listening! Lust plays tricks on your mind. What you should be listening to is the little voice in your head that is subconsciously questioning his actions, rather than his words. This goes to show that deep down inside we realize we love ourselves more than we lust a partner. Self-preservation at its best! Listen to your inner voice… trust it! It’s the voice that will always have your back and lead you in a better direction. 

When you get into a relationship and see the glaring red flags of lust,  turn around and run! Don’t allow your new hopes and desire for a new relationship to blind you. Trust your gut instinct, unless, of course, you’re both feeling the lust…maybe just a one-time deal? 😉

Love Is Effortless

In reality, we all just need to take things slow… The best relationships are the ones that aren't forced and just happen with no expectation.  

Love should feel effortless. Love is something that just happens with no force. Love is a place to call home, a sense of safety and security. 

True love is trusting, never worrying about what that other person may be doing when you’re not around. Love is forgiveness no matter how wrong you may have been or how badly you acted. Love is knowing they will still love you back even when you make mistakes or aren’t perfect. Love is knowing you won’t be alone in your darkest moments. Love is also funny, weird, and wild. Love is always changing, but constant if that makes any sense. It’s a mystery to many, but so worth the reward. They say there is somebody for everyone. Maybe if we relax and stop searching, love will simply find us. 

When you finally meet that special someone…never let them go. Even if you think there could be a better or sexier or whatever that little voice in your head says, trust me and stay. That feeling is the hardest and rarest to find and no one said love was easy. It takes work and the ones that put in the work are the ones that have the strongest love. The kind we all hope to attain one day.  Love and lust are both four letter words that start with L’s, but that's where the similarities end!