Because intimacy requires vulnerability, trust, and emotional connection between sexual partners, it’s important that you feel comfortable and safe in your environment before having sex. Trust: “setting the tone for intimacy is important,” says Aliyah Moore, PhD, certified sex and relationship therapist. You’ll feel “more at ease,” Moore explains, and you’ll be able to build the trust necessary for a great connection. (Which can increase sexual satisfaction for you both.) 

But how does one set the tone? Moore suggests that creating a tone is all about the environment: lighting, music, scents, etc. It can also “involve discussing boundaries and expectations beforehand, which can prevent misunderstandings and uncomfortable situations during the encounter,” Moore explains. This is especially important if you harbor any feelings of anxiety around sex. 

Are you following? Great. Below are more details about how you can set the mood for satisfying sex, according to Moore. Enjoy!

Light up your world 

ICYMI, lighting is an important factor. “Soft, warm lighting can help promote relaxation and intimacy by creating a cozy and welcoming environment. Bright or harsh lighting, on the other hand, can be jarring and distracting, making it difficult to feel relaxed and comfortable,” Moore explains. 

Not sure how to create this “soft, warm lighting”? Try candles (bonus points if they’re scented) that have a warm glow, dimming the lights (if you can), or opting out of traditional overhead lighting with fairy lights or small, cozy lamps. 

Cue up all the ~romantic aromas~

“Scents can have a powerful effect on our mood and emotions,” Moore explains. That said, when choosing scents for intimacy, pick fragrances that promote relaxation and a sense of calm like lavender, vanilla, and jasmine. 

What makes these scents great? Lavender can reduce stress and anxiety as well as promote relaxation and restful sleep. Vanilla is known for its sweet and comforting scent. Jasmine, which is believed to be an aphrodisiac, and is often associated with love and sensuality, Moore explains. 

The bottom line: When using scents in the bedroom, choose fragrances that both you and your partner enjoy in moderation. Otherwise the scent will become overwhelming and distracting. K?

Press play 

Soft, romantic music can be a powerful tool for creating an intimate atmosphere in the bedroom. “Music has the ability to affect our mood and emotions,” Moore says. Choose music that you both enjoy and that promotes relaxation for you. Soft, instrumental music, such as classical or jazz, can be particularly effective for setting the mood of tranquility for intimacy. 

“Other popular genres for intimacy include slow-tempo R&B, soul, and ambient music. These often feature smooth and sensual melodies, which can help to create a romantic and intimate atmosphere,” Moore says. You can also create a special playlist with songs that are meaningful in your relationship. 

Just remember: keep the volume low, and nix any loud or fast-paced music as it can be jarring. (AKA, a mood killer!) 

Okay, reader. I think you’re all set when it comes to setting the mood! Let us know how great it goes when you try out these tips 😙. 

Xo, 

Brittany