Whether someone you just met is going down on you *or* it’s your long-term partner who knows where to find ~all your favorite spots~, this much is true: receiving oral sex can feel so dang good. But honestly? It can also be… awkward? Like, yes, it’s a pleasurable experience, but it’s *totally normal* if being pleasured also makes you tense up.  

And TBH, you might feel this way for a number of reasons, like body image concerns, performance anxiety, past negative experiences, or discomfort around being vulnerable and exposed in an intimate situation, explains sex and relationship counselor Dr. Martha Tara Lee. That said, “it’s important to remember that everyone’s experience and comfort levels are unique, and it’s okay to have these feelings,” she says. K?

All that said, just because you feel a lil' weird receiving oral sex now doesn’t mean it has to be that way forever. The following are the six best tips, according to Lee, if you want to learn to relax during oral. (Trust: You have a right to experience pleasure!)

Before you get into the bedroom…

Try progressive muscle exercises

Before engaging in oral sex, practice tensing and relaxing different muscle groups in your body. It promotes relaxation! 

Cultivate mindfulness

Ever tried meditation or deep breathing regularly? Both can help you become more present and relaxed during sexual experiences.

Be vulnerable

It might feel tough at first but: you should express your feelings about receiving oral sex to your partner. It’ll create a sense of trust and understanding that might help you relax more when they ~head down there~. 

Once you’re doin’ it… 

Get comfy

Make your bedroom a chill space for you by dimming the lights, playing soft music, or using scented candles to set the mood. 

Talk it out!

While they’re down there, communicate with your partner about what feels good, what you enjoy, and any adjustments you may need. Trust that this doesn’t have to feel like a coach-player situation—it can be hot! (Think something along the lines of: “Yes babe, I love what you’re doing there,” or “Can you move your tongue here for me? It’ll feel so good.”) 

Breathe & stay present

Take slow, deep breaths during the experience to relax your muscles. Direct your attention to the pleasure you’re receiving and focus on the lovely sensations.

Okay—I think you’re all set. With these expert tips, you’ll be chilled and oral sex savvy in no time.