Life can be a lot. Whether work was busy AF, your kids had a meltdown, your anxiety is up because of well, the world *gestures hands*, it can be difficult to stay in a positive headspace—let alone one that feels conducive to an actually-good sexual experience. 

Days like these (or weeks… or months…) can lead to what many of us experience as racing thoughts. These can pop up while you’re doing anything, but I find them to be most frustrating when I have racing thoughts during sex—AKA, when I’m supposed to be able to chill TF out and allow my body to experience the pleasure it deserves! (And needs!) 

That said, “racing thoughts during sex are totally normal,” explains Holly Wood, PhD candidate and sexologist at Bedbible. “They can stem from stress, anxiety, or distractions,” she explains, all of which pull you away from the moment and keep you spinning inside of your head. 

However, there are ways to help quiet those thoughts and get in the right headspace. In the process you’ll deepen your connection with your partner and your body. (Yay!) Here are some tips you should know, thanks to Wood.

Before you have sex… 

Communication Is Key

Share your feelings with your partner. It’ll help relieve the anxiety around the experience of racing thoughts, taking away some of the taboo, and helping you to feel seen by your partner. 

Establish a Pre-Sex Routine

Create a calming pre-sex routine that might include a warm bath, a shower together (with a relaxing scrub!), a massage, or some quiet time. This can signal your mind and body to relax and focus on the intimate experience.

Limit Distractions

This might mean turning off phones, ensuring privacy, or addressing any immediate concerns that might be on your mind before engaging in intimacy.

During sex… 

Notice Your Breathing Rhythm

Breathing deeply and deliberately can anchor you in the present moment. Pay attention to the rhythm of your breath, and notice how your body moves with each inhalation and exhalation. This can help quiet the mind and intensify your focus on the physical sensations.

Engage Your Senses

Make a conscious effort to engage all your senses during sex. Notice the warmth of your partner's skin, the scent of their body, the taste of their lips, the sounds of mutual pleasure, and the visual beauty of the moment. These sensory experiences can keep you rooted in the here and now.

Mindful Touch

Be intentional with your touch during sex. Explore your partner’s body with curiosity, noticing the texture of their skin, the contours of their form, and the responses your touches elicit. 

Above all… 

Release Those Racing Thoughts!

It’s natural for thoughts to arise during sex. Observe these thoughts without judgment and gently redirect your focus back to the present. Return your attention to your breath, your partner, and the sensations you are experiencing.

Trust: You’ve got this! And remember: At Beia, we’re here to support you along the way 💜. See you next week!