If you’ve ever felt insecure about your body, you’re not alone. By age 17, around 78% of adolescent girls begin to find something wrong with the way they look. And with the pressures of social media, reality television, diet culture, and more surrounding us constantly, it’s no wonder that women everywhere feel ashamed of their bodies the way they are—especially when in the bedroom! 

Seriously, though. It’s super common for women (but also for everyone!) to focus more on how their body looks rather than how it feels during sex. Which can be such a mood killer! And think about it: How can you feel true pleasure if you’re so in your head while you’re doing it?

Trust, though, it’s possible to build body confidence and find ways to connect with yourself, making your sex life all the more pleasurable in the process. But it will take time and practice, explains sex and relationship counselor Dr. Martha Tara Lee.

Below, you’ll find a few helpful tips for building confidence little by little, according to certified experts. 

Self-acceptance is key 

The world is constantly telling you to change something about your body. But you don’t have to. You’re totally fine the way you are, and it’s helpful to practice accepting yourself, “flaws” and all, without conditions, Lee says. 

The same goes for the bedroom!

Yup, you need to practice accepting what you enjoy in the bedroom, too, sans shame. Think about what feels good for you. “Embrace your own unique desires and preferences,” Lee says. Then, communicate those desires openly with your partner. Why? It’ll “help build confidence and create a more satisfying sexual experience,” Lee explains. 

There is no “ideal” body type

“If someone is specifically embarrassed about their body in the bedroom, it's important to remember that bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and there is no ‘ideal’ body type,” Lee explains. Try to embrace body neutrality or body positivity. You can also experiment “with different positions or lighting to help create a more bedroom comfortable environment,” Lee says. 

Focus on personal pleasure

“It is not about feeling confident for someone else, but rather feeling confident in one's own skin, being present, and enjoying the experience,” says psychotherapist Dr. Avigail Lev, founder of Bay Area CBT Center. You have to learn to get out of your mind, be present, and connect with your body, so that you can fully enjoy the experience of sex and know what you need. Trust: “People feel more confident when they focus on their own needs rather than on others,” Lev says. 

You’ve got this! It takes time, but you will be feeling like a badass in the bedroom in no time.