Look, I get it: Pursuing both the career you want and the relationship of your dreams can be tough. 

TBH: Both my partner and I are super ambitious people, so sometimes I get stressed about us making time for our relationship while we’re out there crushing it in our careers. 

I know I’m not alone when I say that finding this balance can be difficult, whether you’re in a relationship or you’re trying to make the time to date and find the one. (Right?)

So for this week’s newsletter, we’re breaking down the basics of balancing your career and your romantic life, per relationship therapist Caleb Birkhoff, LMFT. 

First, evaluate your goals… ✅

The first step? Get clear with yourself about what your goals are—in both your career and dating. “It's important to know what you're looking for,” Birkhoff says, and knowing where work and dating stand in your personal hierarchy will allow you to “appropriately allocate resources,” Birkoff explains. “Think about both of these areas of your life through the lens of utility and opportunity cost; where you allocate time and energy means the other arena does not get those resources,” he says. You following?

Get out your Google Cal 📅

As you know, in order to balance all your everyday needs, it’s important to have a hold over your schedule. (And if you don’t have one already, now is the time to get organized!) “Think about when you are actually available to commit to dates and operate from the reality of your current schedule, not your optimistic interpretation,” Birkhoff says. 

Consider putting dates on your calendar so that you prioritize them like you would any work meeting. And if you’re already in a relationship? Keep a couple standing monthly dates on your cal for you and your partner to connect. Treat them as sacred and make sure you plan your schedule to fit them, not the other way around. K?

Make dating fun 🥳

“Don't settle for simply existing in the same space at the same time with someone and expect it to feel important to you,” Birkhoff says. Think about activities that you would have genuine fun doing with a romantic partner or date! This way, when it comes time to do them, you’ll actually feel excited and motivated to set aside time. 

Stuck on what to do? If you’re in a relationship, “think about fond memories and good times you've had together when you felt happy and connected, then try to recreate some of them,” Birkhoff says. When it comes to dates, “most people find that time they really treasure with someone was spent being present with them,” Birkhoff says.