POV: You’re having a great time during sex with your partner, you’re excited to keep going but then—they finish! You’re happy they got their O, but you’re slightly bummed because you still haven’t hit your climax. 

That said, sex doesn’t have to stop just because your partner is “done.” If you want to keep going, it’s important to prioritize pleasure for both parties! Seriously though—this is partly why there’s an orgasm gap between men and women in heterosexual relationships.

Never heard of the orgasm gap? It’s like this: straight men orgasm 95 percent of the time they have sex. For straight women, it’s more like 65 percent! That’s a 30 percent difference in how much women are orgasming. Not okay!

But you and your partner can help close the gap if you make an effort to orgasm even when they do first. And if you need a little guidance in doing so, here’s what to do, per sex and relationship counselor Dr. Martha Tara Lee.

We’ll Say It Again: Communication Is Key

You’ve heard this before from us, but it’s true. Communication is a major factor in a satisfying sex life. “If your partner finishes before you during sex but isn't too tired to keep going, you can communicate your desires and needs” for how you’d like to climax, Lee explains. And if you need inspiration… 

Keep Stimulating!

If they’ve already come, “you can ask them to continue stimulating you through other means, such as manual or oral stimulation,” Lee says. You can guide them with your hand or speak to them while they do it, communicating to them exactly what you need in order to come. 

Try To DIY

Look, there’s nothing wrong with taking matters into your own hands. “Finish yourself off while your partner watches or participates,” Lee says. This can look like them kissing your body or talking to you in a way that turns you on while you touch yourself or use a vibrator until you come. Don’t be afraid to DIY and get creative. 

Respect Their Boundaries

While your orgasm is just as important, remember this: “If your partner is too tired to keep going after they finish, it's important to respect their boundaries and not pressure them into continuing,” Lee says. If you absolutely need to come, you can finish yourself off solo. And if you’re totally done, you can just cuddle and enjoy each other's company in a non-sexual way, Lee explains.

Are you taking notes? Thanks for reading this week—now go get your O!

Xo, 

Brittany